This is a song that I wrote about my mental health.

 

My song, titled "The Invisible Wall" is a song that I've recently just completed writing. Songwriting not only allows me to share my thoughts and experiences, but it is also my own form of coping with things and I felt that this song was really one of those songs that allowed me to better cope with my own mental health struggles.

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In this case, I would not like to self-diagnose, but I feel that I might have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or also known as OCD. In reality, there are a wide range of symptoms when it comes to OCD, and one of which are Intrusive Thoughts. These intrusive thoughts usually appear daily and they can get really bad especially when I'm stressed or when I am lacking sleep. They usually come in the form of what I term "mental threats" such as "if you do not do (a certain action), then (something bad such as death) will happen".

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Whenever I am faced with such a thought, it is usually hard to ignore it and my paranoia is one of the reasons why I simply cannot ignore it, for the fear that if I don't listen and do what I'm told by my brain, then the bad thing could possibly happen.

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Hence, last December, I came up with a metaphor for this, which is an "invisible wall" and likened how crossing the wall would mean that I have successfully ignored my thoughts, and how this invisible wall is a combination of those intrusive thoughts, my anxiety and my paranoia that's trapping me, almost as if I'm a prisoner, and stopping me from crossing it.

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I decided to pick up this song idea again this year in May and I've come back to it once more in July and August. I came up with the lyrics and melody to the chorus in the shower on multiple occasions and I really loved how it flowed well and was able to capture my thoughts and feelings.

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This is one of the close to finalized draft of the chorus:

It's the invisible wall
I can't see it but I can feel it
It's killing me
I'm fine on the outside
But there's a war raging on in my mind

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This is my finalized chorus:

It's the invisible wall
I can't see it but I can feel it
It's surrounding me now
Holding me captive and everything that I do is controlled now
Tryna break free but I can't break free
It's a cycle that lives rent free

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Afterwards, I really wanted each verse as well as the bridge to touch on a specific area. I originally wanted the first verse to narrate life before the intrusive thoughts showed and as for the second verse, I wanted to narrate the current life and the struggles while in the bridge I wanted it to be a confrontational moment with my brain that expresses my own shock and confusion as to how such a thing could happen to me.

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This is my draft of the verses and the bridge:

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Verse 1:

I'm running wild
Serenity's all around
And suddenly I trip and fall
I hit the ground
First few thoughts and actions
Brought me comfort
and soothed the fears deep within
 

Pre-Chorus 1:
And suddenly it feels like it goes away
but then it comes back like an ocean wave
manifesting in a different form
one that I can't stop doing whatever I'm doing
till it feels right, till it feels right

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Verse 2:

my heartbeat's loud
trying to think of something else
just breathe in and out
and you'll be fine
that's what I said to myself
and the days of calm clouds
are the ones I cherish
something I try to hold on to

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Pre-Chorus:

And suddenly it feels like it goes away
but then it comes back like an ocean wave
manifesting in a different form
and everything I touch turns into barbwire

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Finally, I decided that I wanted to narrate my wishes from the standpoint in the current day in the first verse as well as talk about when the intrusive thoughts started to appear. Then, in the second verse, it focuses specifically on coping with the struggles that I face while the bridge would be the same as mentioned above whereby it is a confrontational scenario.

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As such, this is my finalized song:

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Verse 1:

Take me back to when all my decisions didn't come with strings attached
Everything that I did was on my own accord
And I could do things that I loved
Didn't have to think so much
And suddenly one day everything I touched turns into barbwire
 

Pre-Chorus 1:
And I don't know how sometimes it offers me comfort
But when it gets dark, it's just so hard not to listen

 

Chorus:
It's the invisible wall
I can't see it but I can feel it
It's surrounding me now
Holding me captive and everything that I do is controlled now
Tryna break free but I can't break free
It's a cycle that lives rent free
 

Verse 2:
So I take the calm days all in
Breathe in the air before it gets bad again
 

Pre-Chorus 2:
And I know that I have it in me to fight all the voices and break up the chains
But sometimes my paranoia wins
 

Chorus:
It's the invisible wall
I can't see it but I can feel it
It's surrounding me now
Holding me captive and everything that I do is controlled now
Tryna break free but I can't break free
It's a cycle that lives rent free
 

Bridge:
So why'd you gotta go and do this
I never saw it coming
When you switched sides in the dead of night
I thought that we were always meant to be together, bound by nature
So tell me when did you decide to turn me into your own prisoner?
 

Final Chorus:
You're the invisible wall
I can't see you, but I can feel you
You're surrounding me now
You're holding me captive and everything that I do is controlled now
Tryna break free but I can't break free
It's a cycle that lives rent free

Oh
You're the invisible wall
I'll walk right through ya
Just give me some time
Ooh I'll fight to see the light again, mmm

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With the end of the song, I wanted to convey to myself a sense of hope and hence I was able to come up with it in the most natural way possible that felt like I was directly talking to my brain once again.

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For this song, I managed to create a quick demo of it and submitted it for the 2021 World Mental Health Day Creative Art competition by Woodlands Health in collaboration with Republic Polytechnic and came in 3rd place.

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This is a look at my DAW session: